How I healed my relationship with the Bible. I’m so glad I did.

I’ve come to appreciate anew the Bible. It’s truly an incredible book, and one with which I’m starting to enjoy again.

I was in a Christian context for a very long time that venerated the Bible and would honestly sometimes use sections from it to chastise me and make me feel guilty. Ever heard of the phrase “Bible thumping?” I felt a spirit of condemnation in those moments, and I remember once a pastor saying that he’d question my salvation and if I’m actually a believer if I didn’t read my Bible in a year.

I understand his heart was one of conviction, but it wasn’t received well for me. I felt like I wasn’t measuring up if I wasn’t reading my Bible. But it wasn’t motivated by freedom for me, so I found over time my relationship with the Bible weakening, and my anxiety around reading it growing.

I mention this story to you all because, thankfully, it hasn’t stayed there for me. I’m healing my relationship with the Bible and finding true joy again in reading it.

I will say though that for almost two years I wasn’t reading my Bible consistently. Throughout COVID I honestly avoided it, because I had associated the condemnation with the book itself. But thankfully, I’ve come at it again from a posture of freedom; not that I have to read it, but I get to. It’s never out of obligation or behavior modification that true change in a heart happens. I’m finding that on this journey the best motivation for me is when my heart is engaged, healed, and allowed to be present for the process.

If I’m not given permission to feel hurt when something hurts me, or question something that doesn’t sound right, or I’m actually driven away from reading the Bible by what people say or do that’s not actually biblical, that’s worth pressing into. I find it so ironic when people use the Bible to make a case for something, and do it without love. But the entire point of the biblical story is love, Love Himself. It’s a book about the best and ultimate Love Story. If I’m missing the heart to the words, then I’m missing what’s really being said.

I remember the day I picked up my Bible for the first time in many, many months. I was honestly really anxious. I was afraid that I would be judged, that I wouldn’t measure up. And I’m honestly really proud of myself for reading it that morning. I actually found encouragement from it. It ended up being a really sweet moment.

But I had to press through that anxiety first. I had to confront the lie that I wasn’t measuring up. It actually started a whole new journey for me in viewing God as pure love, that He is actually love, and when I read His Word, He’s happy.

I had a friend once tell me, “Anna, when you decide to spend time with God, He’s so excited to be with you. It’s like a sweet reunion, whether it’s been five minutes, five days, or five years. He is also so happy to be with you.”

I find that that’s my vantage point now when reading the Bible. When I choose to read it, God is so, so excited. He loves that I’m choosing Him. That I’m choosing to heal my relationship with the Bible, and find out what it’s really saying.

Maybe you’re in a season or a situation where reading the Bible feels like a chore to you, not a delight. I think as I’ve been enjoying my relationship with God and existing with Him from a place of true freedom (I get to do life with Him!), reading the Bible just makes sense. It’s really enjoyable. I find it helpful, and relevant.

Today I read different passages from across the Scriptures, and loved that I have the freedom to do that. I don’t need to stick to a plan or feel stuck in a way while reading the Word of God. I can be playful with it, curious, and find comfort in what I choose to read each day. And don’t get me wrong, if you love sticking to plans, then go for it! God created us all differently, and we have unique ways of engaging with Him while reading the Bible. I love that so much.

One passage I read today was from 1 Corinthians, in an unfamiliar passage to me. But I found deep encouragement from it; I’d love to share it with you.

“When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it; when we are slandered, we answer kindly.” - 1 Corinthians 4:12.

That is so practical, so beautiful, and so what I aspire to in life.

I’m so stinkin’ thankful that I’ve found restoration in my relationship with God’s Word. And it’s no longer an obligation, but I genuine joy and privilege to read.

It took time, healing, and pressing through the pain and anxiety to find true freedom, a child-like perspective, and a joy with it again and anew. I love how pressing through pain and finding true healing makes what we once lost, found. Once broken, restored. That’s what’s in the Bible anyways, that’s the biblical narrative. So I want to live out my life with that story in mind, and in my heart.