My Journey to Gentleness
It’s been a heck of a ride with my relationship with food. I’ve been back and forth with yo-yo dieting, binging and restricting, and never really knowing and embracing - until very recently - a concept called “food freedom.”
I’m currently working with my dear friend and nutrition coach, Taylor Vashro (with Taylor Vashro Nutrition) on my own - what she calls - journey to gentleness. And indeed, it is just that. Taylor is teaching me SO stinkin’ much about the beauty in food, and how consuming it is meant to bring me joy! Not everything I eat needs to be fresh off the ground or a tree. Some foods are simply just good for the soul, as she says. However - here’s the beauty in this journey - the more I allow myself to eat the “off limits'“ foods and intuitively eat, the more I desire naturally those “diet foods” I’ve only ever allowed myself to eat on restrictive diets before. I actually crave the carrots and hummus over the potato chips whenever I do what I can to joyfully move and be kind to myself. I never in a million years would’ve thought I could arrive at this point of longing for the carrots and hummus!
But alas, here I am on this road to gentleness with myself. And I’m certainly seeing the major benefits this journey is providing me, not only with my relationship with food, but also, quite frankly, my relationship with myself.
Food is so central to what we need as humans. That seems obvious to us, but it’s so true that it’s essential and good. It can bring us joy, it can lead us down dark roads, it can build us up or tear us down. But the crazy thing I’m learning is this, really: that the food itself doesn’t tear me down or build me up; I do. I have more control over a situation when presented with a cookie then I thought I did before. I don’t need to beat myself up for eating it, or eating three of them in one sitting, even. I can eat the cookie, thank Jesus for it, and move on. This thing called food freedom really is just that. It’s the freedom to know that I can eat whatever I want, and the more I give myself permission to eat the junk foods, the less I actually crave them. Making any food “off limits” actually can build up the facade that I have no control over my food choices, and that I’m enslaved to what I eat. I’m so done with that mode of thinking and being!
So, wherever you’re at today in your relationship with food, be encouraged with this: there is such a thing as food freedom, and you can find joy in eating again (or for the first time!). I’m such a champion for joy and it’s powerful influence in our lives. There really is so much to be joyful about, and I’m now discovering that food is one of those things too!!
If you’re missing your hunger or fullness cues, if you can’t tell when you’re hungry or full, if you’re craving the mac n cheese but refusing to give yourself permission to eat it, maybe this journey to gentleness could be for you, too. Yes, I have more weight on my body right now than I would like. Yes, I do eat the chips and salsa (and sour cream too) on occasion. Yes, I still struggle with insecurities in eating and body image. I’m not perfect. But I’m learning to just be gentle and kind to myself and listen to what my body needs, as opposed to always telling it what to do.
I’m learning so much on this journey. It’s amazing to just sit back and see how much brighter and fuller and happier life is getting from being on this adventure. The road has seemed pretty scary and dark at times. But what in life that’s worth pursuing hasn’t felt that way from time to time? Be encouraged: the way forward may seem uncertain or unsafe, but there’s SO MUCH freedom, healing, joy, and light on the other side. It just keeps getting brighter with each step you take forward. :)
