Perfection in this Life is an Illusion
What’s nice about having a blog for fun is that I get to write on it whenever I’d like to. No pressure to make money off of it, no pressure to produce content consistently. It’s actually quite nice to do this as I’d like and to have an audience that enjoys it. That means so much. Thank you, to all of you, for engaging with me as I process life. 🙂 You all make this worth it!
This is something I’ve been processing on my own for quite some time now, and I’d love to share my thoughts briefly. Perfection, as the title of this post suggests, is simply an illusion. Impossible to attain in this life.* I do believe in an afterlife, and in an eternal existence in which perfection is attainable someday (mind you, not because of anything I have done, but because of what has been done for me). So, I do have hope for that to be fully realized one day…but definitely not yet. And I can’t even begin to imagine what that will look or feel like.
Back to reality…
Sobbing in my room. Hunched over, heaving, in so much emotional pain that I can feel it in my body. Have you ever experienced something like that before? For me, it’s one of the ways that I let out a lot of pent up emotion and hurt. When I realize something I’ve done wrong over and over again, or that has been done wrong to me over and over again, I mourn that reality. Things are not as they were meant to be. Perfection in this life is simply an illusion.
I walk out on my roommates mid conversation because I am overwhelmed with anger. I say nothing. I don’t come back to apologize or say I’ll be back. I leave them in the dust as I stomp up to my room to process what has just happened. How am I capable of getting so angry? Why did a confrontation spoken in love end in my blatant disrespect and belittlement? It is truly unbelievable what I am capable of doing, and yet at the same time, I am wholeheartedly convinced that I am far from perfect. This moment confirms that. Things are not as they were meant to be. Perfection in this life is simply an illusion.
I could go on about the many ways in which I have wronged others, or been wronged by others. No one is perfect. It’s a refreshing reality to embrace, and can actually, somehow, make my view of self and others much better. When I give up trying to be perfect, to have the perfect body (what does that even mean?), to get the 100% on a test (which matters for how long?), to keep my face clear (acne is a reality lol, it happens), to keep my room always spotless (it will happen in due time and I’m convinced of its necessity now, though I’m not kicking myself in the pants if I leave out a coffee cup for a few extra hours), to always saying the right thing at the right time (is that even possible?), I actually find incredible freedom from the shackles of always having to appear put together. (Key word: appear). Who am I trying to please? Why do I strive towards that end?
Mind you, I absolutely 100% believe it is important to prioritize one’s health and body, to study diligently for tests, to maintain good hygiene, to value cleanliness, and to treat others with kindness. What I’m not saying is that it is possible to attain perfection in each of these areas, all of the time, despite our best efforts. You may study your butt off for a test, and only walk away with a 75%. You may have a close to perfect season in the ACC (shout out to my UVA men’s basketball team!) and then make history as the first 1 seed to lose handily to the underdog. You may wash your face relentlessly and still wake up with acne. You may know just the right thing to say, but freeze up in the moment and fail to say it. You may have a spotless room, but then your dog pees on the carpet.
Life is totally unpredictable in that way. It communicates to me that so much is truly outside of our control. And that’s really okay. It doesn’t have to be in our control in order for life to make sense, or for life to be enjoyable. Jesus said, “Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it” (Matthew 10:39). Those words have never made as much sense as they do now. I’m banking my life on that.
*I’m sure this point may cause some friction. Please take it or leave it as you will. I hope you are not threatened by these words, because just like you, I am yet another mere mortal with her own set of thoughts and opinions. I realize you may be capable of being the best at something, having perfect attendance at school, beating a world record, achieving an Olympic gold medal, scoring a perfect bowling game, or having a marriage that lasts. But even if these things are possible (which they are), perfection in this life is still impossible to attain as it relates to everything. I may be perfect in school performance, but selfish towards my parents. I may look good on the outside, but treat others and myself poorly. I may always treat others kindly, and yet have a thought life plagued by gross and malicious thoughts towards myself or others. Lastly, I may hit the bull’s eye on a dart board (as shown above) literally every time I throw it, but still completely miss the mark on remaining faithful to others. We are all capable of this.
